EXCLUSIVE: EastEnders’ Gemma Bissix says self-doubt made her question if she was good enough on soap

EastEnders and Hollyoaks actress Gemma Bissix has revealed her regrets after battling with self-doubt when she was younger, saying she was ‘really hard on herself’

Gemma Bissix has truly earned soap icon status with two memorable characters under her belt.

But the actress, who has just bowed out of Hollyoaks once more in explosive scenes, tells us she was once her own worst critic. Gemma, 42, was just nine years old when she landed the role of Clare Bates on EastEnders in 1993, where she was trained on set around TV legends including the late Dame Barbara Windsor and Steve McFadden.

Looking back on that time, Gemma says she was incredibly hard on herself while she credits the BBC soap for helping her learn her craft. She tells us: “When I was younger, I used to question myself a lot. I used to think, was I any good? We all have self-doubt, even now I still have my own little self-doubt and I think as I’ve grown up and now with my children, I need to be better at believing in myself.”

Gemma adds: “It’s like with body image, I used to think that I was a little bit overweight and then now I’m approaching 43, you’d kill to be that size. Sometimes you’ve just got to live in the present and actually just believe in yourself. I was really hard on myself, and you can’t get those years back and you realise, if I’d just had a bit more self-belief back then, I probably would have enjoyed life a lot more. I wish I could tell my younger self to believe in herself more and realise how brilliant she was.”

Gemma has fond memories of her time at EastEnders. She remembers fondly how Dame Barbara and others took her under their wing. She says: “It was definitely where I learned my craft. Barbara Windsor took me under her wing and taught me what to do.

Steve McFadden taught me how to learn my lines. I bumped into Letitia Dean recently, and she was telling me so many stories about me when I was a child. It was definitely a training ground, because I never went to drama school. I learned on the set, and I think that’s why it’s something that has always stuck with me.”

In 2006, Gemma took on the role of Hollyoaks villain Clare Devine, a role she very recently reprised for the fourth time. It didn’t end well for Clare who was pushed off a cliff, while her fate was left unknown.

The comeback aired just weeks after soap fans saw her return to EastEnders for the first time since 2008, and Gemma says filming both shows close together while also juggling motherhood was tough, but she found a good balance. She says: “It is as easy to balance as you want it to be.

“I’ve already done theatre and pantomimes and bits and pieces like that since being a mum. It’s a bit of a change-up, but the girls are just not excited about anything on TV. They’re more excited that their picture was in the newspaper. They’re like, brilliant, I think we’re famous now!”

Gemma and her husband Kristian Rouse share two daughters, Juliette, 10, and Vienna, 9, and the actress says the pair are completely unfazed by her TV fame. She says: “They don’t even care. They watched a bit of Hollyoaks and they came up to the set at the end of last year and then they started watching Hollyoaks because they’d been there.

“But they’re not fazed by it. That’s what it should be like, isn’t it? I’m just mum. I’m the one that cooks breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m the one they shout at. If Hollyoaks fans could see the way Clare Devine gets treated by her own daughters, she’s an absolute wimp.”

After some rather hectic filming across two soaps recently, Gemma tells us she’s had to give up her usual method of winding down. “I love a pint of beer,” she shares. “I only have one or two. I’ve had to give that up recently because if you have a pint of beer every day, then obviously it puts the weight on.

“So I’ve given that up recently, but I love football. I’m a Chelsea fan. I quite like reality TV because it’s the opposite of what I do. I watch a bit of Love Island or Married At First Sight, anything like that, because it just takes you away from what you do as a job, and it’s escapism. Then I have my two young children, which I wouldn’t say that they unwind me. I’d say they do the opposite. But they definitely ground me.”

It’s no surprise that Gemma would need some downtime after playing unhinged Clare on Hollyoaks. Most recently she shot and killed her own sister Grace Black, before her grandfather Froggy met the same grim fate. A final showdown between Clare and Sienna Blake led to her character’s own deadly end, while the jury is out on whether Clare could be back for more.

Gemma teases: “Clare was nowhere to be seen. She’s a fantastic swimmer, isn’t she? She can survive anything, it’s just so Clare, nothing can stop her.” Gemma was shocked when she discovered in scripts she’d be killing off her real-life best friend Tamara Wall, who played Clare’s sister Grace.

“It was actually really sad,” she says. “It was a really emotional time for us both. There was a point last year when we got Froggy and then Clare and Grace, and we thought the Black family were going to become a real sort of strength. Now we’re all gone because of Clare. I was absolutely gutted because last year was just magical being able to play with Tamara.

“We’re on the phone every other day and see each other at least once a month. We’ve got some ideas for more TikTok videos.” Gemma says being close to her co-stars did make some scenes easier to film, but it also made it tough to stay in character as evil Clare.

Gemma explains: “It becomes real emotion. When your best friend is crying, it makes you want to cry. I had to stop myself from being too upset because I had to act how Clare would react and she’s not as emotional as me. We did take it seriously though and because of that I had some of the best days of filming of my life with Tamara.”

On where we might see her next after her latest soap stints, Gemma teases: “I would love to be in a drama. I’d love to play a detective or a forensic analyst. I think that would be really cool.”