The Sister Wives family were rocked by an unexpected and tragic death earlier this year. In March, it was reported that Garrison Brown,

son of Kody Brown and Janelle Brown, passed away from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head aged 25.

For the first time in six months, Kody opens up about his son and their complicated relationship before he died to People.

It may have only been six months, but Kody, like his ex-wife Janelle, is still living in a state of shock. Janelle revealed that Garrison never displayed any intentions to die on his terms, as he has always been happy and had plans for his life.

Kody recalled a similar memory of his son, as he was “planning a future”. “He always wanted a story to tell, some adventure,” he said. “He was always either cracking a joke or wanting to talk about an adventure.” Sadly, Kody thought he had more time with his son, which he regrets taking advantage of.

Kody and Garrison were also estranged around the time of his death, where he admits that their relationship “certainly could have been better”.

“I want to go out to dinner again,” he said. “I want to sit down. I want to have a beer. I want him to try and make me laugh because he was kind of that way. The only regret is just, gosh, I would just do that more often. The only regret is that you didn’t do something. You didn’t take more time.”

The ‘Sister Wives’ Star Gets Candid About His Grief

“The hard part is giving away that future that I saw for him, the excitement,” he said, opening up about his tragic death. “It’s strange having your child pass.

The wave of grief is different from any wave of grief I have ever had with a best friend passing, with a relative passing. It’s different. And it is different in the idea that it’s irreconcilable — the future that we missed with him.”

“We could have been talking more,” he said, reflecting on their complicated relationship. “I’d get texts, stuff like that, and we could have, retrospectively, we could have done so much more.

And it was almost like — I’m busy with my life, he’s busy with his life, and when we connect, we’ll connect. It was kind of like, we’ve got forever. It was more like it was a convenience of time that I felt like I had. Retrospectively, there would’ve been more of a regular catching up and touching base.”

Because of Garrison’s death, Kody became grief-stricken. He revealed that his son’s death “irrevocably” changed him, as he “can’t get back to how I was.” “I can’t reconcile that he’s not here,” he said. Janelle also revealed that because of Garrison’s death, she and her family “periodically check in” on each other.