Sucks to be Theo Silverton (James Cartwright) on tonight’s Coronation Street. The raging narcissist only broke up with Todd Grimshaw (Gareth Pierce) last week. Now Todd’s already moved on with another fella – and he is FABULOUS.

If they gave out medals for being a scumbag, Theo would take the gold, and that’s saying something on Coronation Street. With Megan (Beth Nixon) the paedophile, Jodie (Olivia Frances-Brown) the bunny-boiler, Mal (Tim Treloar) the stalker, Maggie (Pauline McLynn) the murdering landlady and Carl (Jonathan Howard) the creep, it’s standing room only for wrong’uns on the cobbles right now, yet the sinister scaffolder still finds a way by going the extra mile in being vile.

Since the day he first glowered in the Rovers, Theo has subjected poor Todd to pretty much the entire spectrum of abuse – emotional gaslighting, coercive control, financial abuse, and terrifying bouts of violence. This has only gotten worse since the death of Todd’s ex, close friend and confidante Billy Mayhew (Daniel Brocklebank), who Theo secretly left to perish in the Corriedale crash out of sheer jealousy.

It’s safe to say, if Theo had a Grindr profile, he would have to lie a LOT.

Therefore, imagine my delight that Todd has finally swiped left on his toxic tormentor and is getting back out there to meet a nice boy. After all, Theo may have a jaw you could cut glass on, but the man doesn’t have a nice bone in his body.

Every move Theo makes is designed to make Todd feel, small, scared and terrified. Ironically, their breakup only happened because the bully’s usual bag of nasty tricks didn’t work anymore.

After being disappointed with his birthday present (which he forced Todd to buy on a strict budget), Theo lost his rag majorly during a heated domestic and pulled a knife on his terrified fiancée. Instead of backing down in fear, Todd reached breaking point and dared Theo to ‘put him out of his misery’. Theo wasn’t expecting that. With his power broken, the abuser did the only thing he could – end their relationship to save face.

But like the petulant manchild he is, Theo couldn’t leave Todd alone and flirted wildly with a colleague, Andy, at the bistro just to make his ex believe that he was already getting cosy with another fella.

However, this turned out to be a massive own goal. Encouraged by Glenda Shuttleworth (Jodie Prenger) to forget Theo and put himself out there, Todd agreed to go a date with her friend… a date that we have a front row seat for in tonight’s episode. You heard it here first, Metro. This guy is a scream.

Enter Raymond (Andy Brady) – Glenda’s mate, karaoke enthusiast and Todd’s dinner partner for the evening. This utter delight of a human being regales Todd with stories from his days with Glenda on the cruise ships, reminiscing about sailing with a Wham cover-band. ‘Imagine making a career out of being Andrew Ridgely’ Raymond quips. ‘It was hard enough for the real thing!’ Shade. I love this man already.

After months of nothing but heartache and terror, it’s good to see Todd smile again. Which is of course, immediately ruined when Theo crashes Gary Windass’s (Mikey North) birthday party on the next table and laughs obnoxiously loud at all his jokes just to throw Todd off his game.

While Theo orders shots and laughs like a loon at Gary’s jokes, Raymond has moved on to reminiscing about his escapades below deck with a Village People cover band. But it’s clear that Todd’s attention is on Theo, and he ends up letting Raymond down gently by telling him he’s sweet. ‘Sweet?!’ Raymond balks. ‘Nanas are sweet. I think what you mean to say is ‘Raymond, you are so unbelievably hot, I’m only going to end up getting burnt so let’s call it quits now.’ Seriously, Corrie, can we make this fella a regular cast member already?!

With regret, Todd admits he’s not in a dating headspace. Glancing over at a drunkenly cackling Theo, Raymond sizes up the situation and offers some sage advice. ‘If laughing boy is who I suspect me might be, then I should get in that headspace soon, for your own sake’.

Raymond speaks for a grateful nation. Just when I couldn’t love this man anymore, Raymond asks Todd to walk him to the bus stop and they head out together, leaving Theo with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

While it’s nice to see the nasty narcissist taken down a peg, that trademark glower of his never ends well for anyone… especially Todd. Coronation Street, give us a happy ending here. Also, more Raymond, please.