Costner was speaking with PEOPLE for his partnership with Green Mountain Coffee Roasters when they talked about his children. “You love them all the same, but they are all different, so you find ways to do that without treating them all the same,” Costner told the publication of his children. “You’ve got to take into consideration their differences.” That plays into how John Dutton handled his own children as well but Costner at least has advice for talking to his children that even his fictional characters could use. “If you just keep coming at them in a certain way, and you’re not getting through, it’s up to you to change a little bit,” he said. “Maybe your messaging, maybe how you do it. You have to adjust to their individuality.”

The hard part about having 6 children, especially when the oldest is nearly 30 years between your oldest and your youngest, is getting everyone together. Costner talked about getting to see all his children with PEOPLE, saying “It’s here and there now. Trying to gather them all [together at the same time] is very difficult as they all move through the directions of their life.” But Costner said that he always tries to be there for his children so that they’ll come back to him. “You try to provide a place that they’ll want to return to,” he said. “I always design my homes for me and mine — for my children and their children — so that they enjoy coming back.”

Costner is a busy man. He was the lead on Yellowstone for 5 seasons, he is working on his epic saga Horizon: An American Saga, and he’s still a working actor. But he told the publication that he was going to get to see all of his children when his teen son, Cayden Costner, graduates. “My son Cayden is graduating, so all the children are coming in to see him graduate,” he told PEOPLE at the time. The family did all come together for his graduations. “It’ll be a four or five-day [event], hanging out for as long as we can,” he shared, going on to say “We’re all really proud of him.” And it is clear how proud Costner is of his son. “[This is] one of those things that mark his life, and he’s done it beautifully.”

You can see Costner play a father to the Dutton family children on the hit Paramount+ series Yellowstone.